January 2011
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My 2010 could be called a lot of things:
The Year of Tacs, Raoke, Bros
The Year I Saw My Comedy Heroes
The Year That I Started Working
but I would prefer it to be called:
The Year Andrew Garfield Appeared Before Me At The UCB After Discussing With Keisha How Hot Andrew Garfield Is
December 2010
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“Shit son, I am a girl AND a woman!”
– Connie, girl/woman
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Girls who wear color contacts,
I know that isn’t your real eye color. Get out my face.
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Had my first legit nightmare in a long time. And...
I guess everyone who graduated from my high school in the past five years had to Battle Royale each other. So everybody was given a color that they had to wear head to toe at all times (I was blue) and every day whoever was in charge of the Battle Royale would announce three colors that everyone else had to try to get (not kill, but attack with your own color… it gets more complicated). The...
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Hee Haw and Merry Christmas!
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At lunch with my family.
Me: Don't worry, I'll pay for my pasta.
Brother: Well, you don't even have money so...
Mother: (tears of laughter)
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Popular names people like to call me while I'm at...
ma’am (I’m 18, Jesus Christ)
do-you-work-here (no, I just carry a walkie-talkie with me wherever I go)
panty girl (because people think it’s still the early 60’s)
tell-me-what-this-coupon-does (oh, here, let me read the coupon for you and tell you what it does)
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If I should ever die, God forbid, let this be my...
THE ONLY PROOF HE NEEDED FOR THE EXISTENCE OF GOD WAS MUSIC TELEVISION
- Kurt Vonnegut (edited for truth)
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About to see Conan live.
It feels unreal.
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Watch
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